I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
