i already hear my dad disowning me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
