He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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