I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
