I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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