Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
