Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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