My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
