I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
