just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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