Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
