I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Randomize
