Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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