Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
