i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
