Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
