I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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