If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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