If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
