So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A+ Viking dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
