he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
