Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found the puke drawer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
