she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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