Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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