so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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