You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
