You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
