the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We are all done wearing pants today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
