Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
