Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
