i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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