I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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