ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
