mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
