Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
