in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
