There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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