that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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