woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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