pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
