First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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