look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize