KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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