I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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