so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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