are you still at the devil's house?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
