I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize