just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
