"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
