i would punch a child for taco bell
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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