I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
