Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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