My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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