I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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