I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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