i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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