he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
