did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize