My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
