Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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