I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
