she smelled like a LAN party
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
