so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize