What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
