I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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