I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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