Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
