I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
