So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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