he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
