a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize