Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize