Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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