Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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