lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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